Richardson City Council called a press conference following an executive session to announce that in addition to changes made last week to a Richardson Code of Confidentiality and Ban of External Electronic Devices, a new section has been added to the agreed upon bill.
"It only makes sense," instructed one confidential Council Member. "If all external electronic devices are banned, why not ban all internal electronic devices."
Another Member chimed in, "That is wisdom speaking. You won't find this kind of logic in very many places. So, don't tell us how to count electronic devices. We are the Telecom Corridor after all. Run us up the flagpole and see if we don't stick."
All Council Members indicated agreement through spirited, but united, body language using their heads, although two Members crossed their fingers behind their backs according to two city officials who say that under the new rules they can no longer speak to anyone but Council Members for fear of rules reprisal. One Member was seen slipping his RC rubber bracelet off and on.
When asked what the additional rules were, the following draft notes, with specificity and vagueness, were provided.
"You will need to let us know if you have any of the following:
Cardiac pacemaker
Any internal electronic device
Artificial heart valve or stents
Medical surgical clips or aneurysm clips
Intra-uterine device
Hearing aid or implants
Shunts
Neurostimulators
Artificial joints/ metal rods
Embedded shrapnel or metal fragments
Steel plates
Kidney disease
You will be asked to undress and put on an exam gown. All loose metal objects must be left outside the exam room. Such objects include jewelry, watches, hairpins and dentures. Credit cards also should not be brought in due to past unreported confidential incidents with credit cards.
In some cases, you may be given a confidential injection. This helps us see detail of your particular body parts.
You will lie on a table that positions you as we wish you to be. A large open-ended tube will surround your body while you are being scanned.
Trained, highly paid COR-RC Staff will observe you from another room, talking with you via an external communications device which has not been banned because it has a very special use permit.
While COR-RC representatives operate the session, you will hear some tapping and other noises. During this time you should lie motionless. If you feel uncomfortable, please tell the COR-RC representatives. We will provide you with ear-plugs, blinders and so on and so on.
To schedule an appointment please call the COR-RC office immediately. You have our number."
When asked what the punishments for infringing the new rules are, the official comment was, "We will all just have to wait and see. In some cases, we plan to give rewards for certain internal electronic devices, it just depends, so it is not really a ban per se, in all but some cases for only certain people. I feel we have protected our best interests. Not everyone is going to agree with us."
Three Board Members were on hand for the new rules unveiling. When asked why they thought so few apointees were there, one Arts Commission Member said, "We just found out from a text message from someone on the Council that we will be required to follow some kind of rules and you didn't hear it from me but we think a band called Fox Guarding the Hen House is going to be here so we came to see if we could catch them or at least get into the Council's after party."
An impromtu line began forming for goers of Comic Con.
A few retired volunteer VIP RC Members were to be found sitting in lawn chairs beside a tree near a fire engine. When asked what they thought of the rules, a spokesman-ambassador for the group yelled, "We can lie all we want about you. What you gonna do, huh, huh? Just go home! RC VIP's rule this City, suckahs!"
Council will hold its next show Monday, September 27, at 6PM at the Municipal Center. Tickets are always for sale.
